The role of men as husbands and fathers
In my previous post I wrote about what man should be like as God designed him. These general points run counter to contemporary culture today, as it was in the past, and in particular Hispanic culture. In this post my focus is on the role of man as husband and father.
Let’s start with the role of husband. What are the roles of the husband in the home? From the Christian point of view, the roles are very clear. We must understand that the macho culture of the past and even in the present emphasized the role of head, boss, the one who “wore the pants.” This role has perhaps been the most abused by machista men. As we will see, the role is not bad in itself, but the application of the role is in complete opposition to how God commands it.
The man or gentleman once married has the role of nourishing his wife and his home. When I talk about nourishing, I am not talking about the material, which is obvious (men provide). The kind of nourishing I am referring to is that which helps to keep marriage in harmony and long lasting. He must nourish her with his love. This love according to the Bible imitates Christ’s sacrificial love for His Church. When the Lord died and rose again, it was to save His Church, those who believe in Him. Being the head of the church, he gave himself in sacrifice for his bride, the Church. This is the kind of love that a husband should have for his wife. Marriage between a man and a woman should be an example of Christ’s love for His church. In Ephesians it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25). The principle is clear, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved His church. That love is sacrificial and perfect. It’s possible? If a person is truly a Christian, he can do so because God provides him with the power to do it. Otherwise, it will be an ideal that he will never be able to achieve. Knowing this principle eliminates any notion of machismo in the home. Man is the head not to command but to lead by sacrificing himself with love, expressing the love of Christ to his bride.
He must not only nourish her with love but also with understanding, tenderness and honor.
God commands saying, “As for you husbands, be understanding with your wives. Give them the honor that is due to them, not only because women are more delicate, but also because God in his goodness has promised them the same life as you. Do so so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
It is clear how the husband should treat his wife. The husband must learn to understand (which involves taking time to get to know her) his wife and must be the only person with whom there is emotional intimacy. He must take it into account in everything, giving it honor. The wife is also a co-heir (companions) of eternal life with her wife and is to be treated by the husband with the dignity that God has given her. It must be treated with delicacy and tenderness. God does not hear the prayers of husbands who do not treat their wives with understanding, tenderness, and honor.
The husband must also be his wife’s faithful lover. This implies two things. First, that God designed marriage between a man and a woman until death do them part. This means that God does not approve of divorce. When the Lord was asked about divorce, He was very clear saying, ” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:6). Second, the husband must be faithful to his wife in the sexual area. God warns us to be unfaithful, ” Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ” Hebrews 13:4 (KJV). His wife should be the only one with whom he should enjoy his sexual intimacy (Proverbs 5:15-19).
The husband as the head of the household has the responsibility of being the spiritual leader in his home. It is important for a man to know that as the spiritual leader he must submit to Christ who is the Head of the Church. The Bible says, “But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and that the man is the head of the woman, and that God is the head of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:3). As a spiritual leader, the husband goes ahead following Christ and is also accountable to Him.
The husband is to be an example to his wife and children in the love he has for Christ. This means that the husband and father should be the first to seek the Lord and spend time in prayer each day, learning the truth of Him in the Bible, and taking his family to church. The husband and father should not be passive in this area and let the wife lead. I have been able to observe in many of the cases how men relegate their responsibility to wives. Many times, we ask in church, “Where are the men?” The spiritual laziness of men is very obvious, but this must change.
The father must be the chief spiritual instructor. The role of being a spiritual teacher involves instructing your children in the ways of Christ. This involves spending time with them talking to them and teaching them. Our primary goal as spiritual leaders is that our children may come to know Christ as their Savior and may grow in Him in all wisdom until they are true, mature, and responsible Christians. The moral and spiritual deviation of children today is due to the fact that the father has not fulfilled this role that God gave him.
The father must be the one who educates his children. He should not only be the teacher in spiritual education but also in moral instruction. This involves teaching them the biblical moral ethics we find in the Bible that goes against what our culture has taught us. We must teach them good manners, the right treatment of the opposite sex, chivalry to men and women to act like a lady. They must also be taught about the sexual purity they must have until they get married. They should see the demonstration of affection between mom and dad as part of God’s design. Both the father and the mother should be the example that their children want to imitate. The best example a husband can give to his children is how he loves his wife. Safe homes are those in which the children can clearly see the father’s love for his wife.
The father must lovingly correct and discipline his children. This involves not only appropriate physical discipline without anger but accompanied by instruction in what is good and bad, right and wrong. Part of correction is protecting our children not only from physical dangers but from moral and spiritual dangers. Today’s culture (including the Hispanic macho one) is opposed to God’s truth and infiltrates all social media. Our duty is to protect them.
The father should also spend time enjoying himself with his family. The father should raise his children according to their good inclinations that go with their personalities and characters and not according to what he could not achieve as a child. For this it is necessary to spend time with each one to get to know them. The goal is to help our children develop Christlike character with qualities such as independence, confidence, honesty, diligence, and perseverance that will help them in the future.
As parents we need to have the spirit of Elijah to turn the hearts of parents to their children (Malachi 4:5-6). For this we must teach and be an example to our children. We must teach them that what we have received from our “machista” Hispanic culture is not what God wants for us. We must teach them the truths I have described in this post. Will you be one with the spirit of Elijah?
