The other day as I watched Criminal Minds I heard a noteworthy quote: “Scars reminds us where we’ve been, but they don’t have to dictate where we are going.” At the moment I thought it was great, and it is, if you have the context where it was told. But the more I thought about it, the more it made me think that it is not that great. Let me give you the context. A girl was abducted by a delusional killer. At the end he is caught and the girl is set free by FBI agents. One of the female agents says she will be all right but that she will always remember and deal with the event. Then comes the quote. So it makes sense. My thoughts.
Scars are either physical or emotional. They do come from our experiences. Physical and emotional ones leave scars. Some are self-inflicted but for the most part they are not. Physical scars often affect our emotions and our emotional scars affect our physical well-being, thus they are intertwined. They go hand in hand. Both are hard to deal with. The second part of the quote is the part that I find myself not agreeing with totally. Yes, in the context of where it was told, scars or those bad experiences should not let the person be controlled by them forever. The fact is all scars affect us and they do dictate where we are going. If we are willing to deal with them then they will dictate a better future. They can even continue to affect us. They will remind us what we’ve experienced but they won’t cripple us and keep us from moving on. Our scars can dictate a future that we never thought of by ourselves. They can help us relate better with others by having empathy because we know how our scars have caused us pain. They can lead us to opportunities where we can help others as well. So our scars do dictate where we are going. Of course, they don’t have to, but they do. But they should not dictate a future filled with bad memories and emotional turmoil. They will take time to heal and the pain will be tolerable but they will never go away. They will affect our future. We have to deal with them to make sure they dictate a better path. A path of healing. A path of empathy. A path of hope. We will always be people walking with scars. They will remind us of our past. But by sharing our pain and dealing with it we will find healing.
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I think the person who wrote this quote is right, and so are you. Scars "don't have to" dictate where we're going. They do often times, but they shouldn't. I think one problem (at least I speak from experience) is that sometimes we may see the effect that scars (or rather the events that created them) but can not remember how they were introduced. A couple weeks ago, my brother was visiting town and we had a chance to talk. We were remembering good and bad times as children and realized that he has some of the same scars I got as a child. Digging deeper we found events that occurred in our childhood that left some scars. I didn't even remember those things until we talked about them, but realized that even while the events were hidden from memory, the scars remain all too real. Once we learn how to deal with the scars, they won't have to dictate where we go.
Btw, welcome back.